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IMPORTANT NOTE TO ANY CHILDREN READING THIS

This is meant to make Mums and Dads smile (or maybe even raise a giggle). It is not a set of instructions for you to follow. Some of these are dangerous activities and under no circumstances should you try any of them.

The Lighter side of ADD/ADHD

Things My ADD Child Has Taught Me
by Simon Hensby, adders.org

If you drill holes in an expensive dining room table you may find that the wood beneath the thin surface covering is infact a cheap manmade substitute. It is wrong therefore to assume that all furniture manufacturers are environmentally unfriendly.

If you drill holes in some car steering wheels the internal structure is not hard but surprisingly soft and powdery.

Dining room carpets burn better if you add a pile of toilet tissue.

Cropping small patches of your hair does not mean that a 5 minute crew cut at the barbers is cheaper than a 20 minute ordinary haircut.

Watch batteries, safety pins and paper clips are surprisingly easy to swallow.

It can take up to four days for a watch battery to pass through your intestines.

Shirt buttons travel at an amazing speed when separated from the garment with a sharp jerking action.

If you're a budgerigar, it is not a good idea to allow your tail feathers to poke through the cage wire as not all humans are slow cumbersome creatures.

With a little effort, removal of wallpaper and plaster to reveal brickwork can be achieved in a surprisingly short space of time.

TV remote control units can still function quite well even with their rubber buttons removed. Long fingernails are recommended.

Loud repeated farting and belching can sometimes help to ease a tense situation when you have friends round.

There are several further stages of embarrassment beyond the initial blushing period.

Do not use the words "please don't", in a sentence, if you'd rather something wasn't done.

Shop assistants have an amazing ability to open their mouths to an unbelievable size when looking horrified.

Telephone kiosks and public phone equipment is surprisingly robust.

When stabbing a three piece suite repeatedly with a sharp knife, it should be noted that the holes remain quite invisible to the naked eye.

Inspite of the media coverage on the original launch of Compact Discs, they do not play as well when smothered with jam, or anything else for that matter.

The size of a pile of stuffing extracted from a soft toy can be five or six times bigger than the original toy.

With patience and determination many stains originally thought to be unremovable can be quite convincingly camouflaged.

Some cushions contain nearly 1 million small bean like objects.

Provided they have locked the doors and started the engine, it is possible for a toddler to reach the peddles while holding the steering wheel. Shouting "don't touch the gear lever" while getting quite excited outside the vehicle is not recommended.

When unwound, audio tape can stretch for several metres and can be used as a passable equivalent if you're unlucky enough to have had your Christmas decorations mysteriously destroyed.

Video tapes do function just as well with the front flap section removed.

Opening tins of food at night and mixing the contents on the kitchen floor can become addictive.

Child locks on drawers and cupboards are as effective as using a tomato to balance a wobbly chair.

The ears are just right for carrying all manner of tiny objects. When you need the item in question, simply visit your local casualty or emergency department.

Simon Hensby - ADDers.org

Debbie Wells of Kernow Information and Support Service ( K.I.S.S), Cornwall, England, sent us the following......

Cocoa powder is an excellent replacement for all well known brands of washing powder.

Removing the swimming attendants towel whilst he is showering may give you an extra half hour in the pool.

If your mother has just had a new baby , breast pads make good replacement shin pads for football at school.

If you place enough footballs down the main drains you can infact cut off the sewarage outlets for half the Town.

Never tell your add wife that you cannot remove a partition wall ( including fitted cupboard ) from under the stairs because it will take at least 3 men & maybe loadbearing ,because you may well find it piled in the garden when you return from work!

Or that you cannot redecorate the lounge by xmas day when it's 4pm xmas eve ( it can be totally redone including stencilling! ).

Patio's don't make good crash mats when jumping from your bedroom windowsill, although it is a total myth that a person in full leg plaster cannot run as fast as any other being!

Chris.G of North Somerset, England, sent us the following......

Opening the car door on a motorway results in a near death experience.

Cats can live locked in a hen house for several days without ill effect, but smell funny for a long time afterwards.

Women with ADHD can move bedroom furniture around in the middle of the night, bed included. This may result in her husband waking in the early hours and knocking his head on a wall which wasn't there when he went to sleep.

Sandie of Sutton Coldfield, England, sent us the following......

When asked a thoroughly stupid question in a very formal job interview (civil service) it is not a good idea to respond with "Well of course not you fool!"

Yvette from the UK, sent us the following......

I've just read your amusing anecdotes sections. It is nice to know it's not just my son who wants to try to put an extra window in his bedroom by getting right down to the brickwork.

We have "danger don't touch" stickers on a lot of our electral goods and sockets as he is fascinated by electricity (also batteries and computers). I cut and pasted signs which he sees on lamp posts etc as I couldn't find anywhere to buy them. Anyway, his eldest sister put a large version on her door as he is forever getting in there and damaging her stuff (locks and catches are no restriction). All he said was that her door, "wasn't electric".

He is hard work as he has to be watched 24/7. There is an alarm on his door so we can be woken straight away should he leave the confines of his room. The house looks like a bomb site, especially when we redecorated the living room just to find holes in the wall that needed repastering not just polyfiller-ing!
I love him to bits!


Helen of Essex, England, sent us the following......

If the shed door is locked shut, a reasonable way in for a three-year-old is to remove the hinges.

Nikki of Burnley, England, sent us the following......

If you need a new kitchen floor covering, try flour and sugar. Mix with water or blackcurrant juice to ensure it stays on.

Sanitary towels look pretty on the wall.

Underpants make good lampshades. Most effective method is to toss straight in the air, to ensure correct placement on light



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