By Richard UK
People think Iím being pathetic and ďfeeling sorry for myselfĒ but I canít change, I hate it when people expect things will get better, I donít see anything fixed or destined in front of me,
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yes people will help us, and people will feel sorry for me but thatís no good to me.
Nothing changes, Iím the same as I was 5-10-20 years ago, I see a job/family responsibilities as a huge challenge, not just a mundane thing ďyou have to doĒ but a colossal mountain that constantly grows so you never reach the peak:
ď I take on the challenge, Iíve been here before many times but IímĒ fit nowď better than I was, I have new boots, and Iím strong, I start climbing, itís easy, Iíve had bad experiences last time, (and the time before that), difficulties and injuries, but the ground is solid, the rocks are small, I can do this all day!
Then the ground gets steeper, but thatís ok Iím ready for it, I enjoy every step!
I feel pride once more, I really can climb, I told everyone an no one believed me!
I look up some chap has found a flat plateau, lucky bugger and itís going the same way!
I canít go that way though thereís a cliff alongside me, maybe Iíll find a route and climb up there?
I stumble a little my legs are tired, I stop for a rest, wow Iíve done well, much further than I thought, but hang on Iím miles from the summit, I look up again, now several more people have found the easy routeÖ.oh well they probably arenít as fit.
On I go gradually through the day still going uphill I realise that whichever route I take keeps me on rough undulating ground, the more I look up the more people I see taking it easy, I hear them chatting to each other, complaining a little about being tired but actually getting a sense of comradeship and worth.
The day is late Iím still staggering on after hours of seemingly pointless effort, (why didnít I go the other route) I felt macho and proud earlier on, but this is getting really boring now, every hill brings a new view of another hill I have to climb, the others are way ahead I see them sitting having a tea break in the distance on the plateau, some are not as fit but they have trolleys and one even has a mule carrying him! Pah they wouldnít be able to climb a real mountain!
oh no, Iíve just seen huge boulders, itíll be like climbing over cars and vans for the next bit, I never saw this on the mapÖ.and it goes on as far as I can see.
Itís now really hard going, I get bumped and scraped every step the huge rough boulders are covering the ground ahead there must have been a rock fall, I stop for a breath I look down, shins red raw, boots ripped to shreds, my bag has bitís missing. I look into the distance on my path , the peak still miles off, the other group I can only just see now, theyíve at the peak mountain and are continuing to another easy flat path, they donít even see me struggle or offer help, as I clamber between huge rocks, not that theyíd be able to, as Iím at the bottom of a cliff, Iím not in danger, just knackered.
They laugh and make remarks, ďitís easyĒ ďitís hard work for everyone donítí moanĒ
I can walk (though in pain), and itís a short walk to the valley, no rescue team would help me if they did theyíd only laugh at the route I took, or be cross, theyíve seen me quite a few times already.
I really wanted to get to the peak, and that plateau, Iím not going to bother trying this mountain again, itĎs too hard and thereĎs a much easier route (Iíve tried it every day for years).
But I have to, otherwise I cannot move forward and people rely on me to reach the peak.
Why wonít anyone tell me how to get to the flat path?
Iíll try the mountain again tomorrowÖ.
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